Ending Rape Culture: What can I do?

There have been a lot of #MeToo stories coming out amidst the Harvey Weinstein resignation and I've been reading all of them that have appeared on my feed. I even started 'collecting' the personal data I'm seeing for myself to see it on a micro-level. 

While reading, I saw this: 

It got me thinking: "what *IS* a feasible, tangible action that I, as a gay man, can take to put an end to rape culture?" 

Other people commented that they'd do things like 'teach my kids to be good to others" and "stop harassment when I see it" and I feel like, while those are all well and good, they weren't actions *I* could take. 

I'm not a teacher. 

I don't have kids. 

I could call it out where I see it, but I don't think I ever see it. 

These suggested actions are hypothetical "If / then", readied actions one CAN take, but probably won't on a daily basis....and maybe that's why rape culture is still around. If teaching that "rape is wrong" were enough, rape culture would already be eradicated. 

After thinking about this, I've come to believe that what we need to focus on in the phrase "Rape culture" is the fact that it's a culture - woven into our lives much like racism or sexism - and it's become so normalized that it's become invisible - and that's how we start to change it

• Educate myself more about rape culture so that I can identify the full scope of it and how it relates to other facets of sexism. 
• Admit that I, myself, am a perpetrator of rape culture and remind myself there are no “good ones”.
• Volunteer to "tag along"/ drive my female friends (day or night) on errands so they don’t have to go alone.
• Read each and every one of these “rape stories” I find on Facebook.
• Donate $ to charities whose cause is to end rape culture 
• Ex. The Rape, Abuse, & Incest National Network (RAINN).
• Wear that safety pin that’s supposed to symbolize women’ssafety.
• Talk to friends and bring up ‘ending rape culture’ in conversation.
• Ask Research what more I can do to help end rape culture. 
• Asking a woman how to end rape culture is like asking a person of color how to end racism - just don't do it. 

I feel like learning to see rape culture is the first step to ending it. All of these are reasonable, everyday actions that EVERYONE can take to educate themselves and fund those who are properly equipped to do more.   

THEORY: Facebook Friendships

So I have this theory...! 

I've been noticing all the 'facebook friendship anniversaries' that come up on my feed and the "oldest" friendship I've seen is 11 years. 

That would mean every FB friendship I have started around 2006 or later. 

But that's not true, because I was one of the lucky few people who had a Facebook account when it was still for college students (in 2004). 

So I'm beginning to think that FB friendship that began *prior* to 2006 (when it ws still for college students) won't show up. 

Coming Back Again....Soon!

Not sure what it is about being forced to write for other reasons, but I've been having ideas for blog posts again. 

I have a few ideas that I want to get out of my head (and onto a writing platform) that are best expressed here, so I figured I would 'dig this out' and get them out there. 

Hope to write back here soon! 

SURVEY - Your Senior Year of High School!

The longer ago it was, the more fun the answers will be!!!

My High School

1. The year? 2001
2. Own a Letterman jacket? I don’t think my high school even had letterman jackets; our football team was “shared” with a few other schools (long story)
3. What kind of car did you drive? I drove my parent’s Nissan Pathfinder.
 4. Friday night football games? Nope.
5. What kind of job? Worked in the school cafeteria in the morning, serving breakfast to the dormitory students
7. Were you considered a jock? Next
8. Were you in the band? Nope
9. Were you a nerd? I guess? There were nerdier kids than me, but I was definitely a kid who had nothing better to do than hang out at the library
10. Do you still live in the same school district? Nope. Moved away to Sunny L.A.
11. Can you sing the school fight song? We….didn’t have a school fight song (I don’t think)?
12. What was your school mascot? Our *basketball* team school mascot was the Owl.
13. If you could go back? ……maybe. If just to be able to go back to college as well.
14. Are you still in contact with people from your high school? Just a few here and there.
15. Do you know where your high school sweetheart is? Not everyone has a high school sweetheart…!
16. What was your favorite school subject? English or Theatre – it’s a toss-up, really.
17. Do you still have your High School ring? I would say my mom does….somewhere in my old room.
18. Do you still have your yearbook? Took it with me so I could look back on it fondly. :-) 

GAY MOVIE REVIEW – THE HAPPY SAD.

It’s been a while since I’ve done one of these…..! 

THE HAPPY SAD

PLOT: While the trailer would have you believe this movie follows two couples equally - one black and gay (Marcus and Aaron), the other one white and heterosexual (Stan and Annie) - the movie primarily follows the lives of the white, heterosexuals as they break up and form new homosexual relationships apart from each other. Stan begins an affair with Marcus, while Annie begins a relationship with co-worker, Annie. And while the two couples try to ‘make it work,’ the lives of Stan’s and Annie’s new partners somehow manage to hurl the two back together – who then try to have an “open relationship” in an attempt to get back together – but at the expense of Marcus, Aaron, and Mandy as they each try to pick up the pieces of their respective relationships in the aftermath. Ultimately, it is not clear how each relationship ends up as the movie ends with a good time-skip later; all the main characters are seen together at a concert but whether they’ve broken up and remained friends or still together is vague.

REVIEW: I think I’m finally seeing what people mean when they say a movie is “trying too hard.” What it lacks in production capital, it tries to make up for in ‘depth’ and montages over musical numbers hoping to cover the many, many emotions these characters are going through while experimenting with other people. I think this movie definitely wants to say something about monogamy and how ‘confining’ it is, but I’m not sure what because the alternatives they try don’t seem to work out for them either. Plus, I wasn’t too keen on all the musical numbers (Stan is in a band, you guys!).

It just doesn’t work as a whole. Hard pass if you see it on any ‘recommended’ list. 

TRAILER:

What an odd (yet fitting?) post for Valentine’s Day! 

(PERSONAL) FUTURE WORRIES

A friend of mine was recently laid off from his job. He’s an older gentleman so he’s struggling right now to find a new job at his (previous) paygrade.

I feel for him, but aside from taking him out to lunch every so often, there’s not much else I can do.

It got me thinking about my careet and my future with Jeff. I have a primarily administrative job that *could* be done by someone else if it really needed to be – like my friend, I’m essentially replaceable. And if I can’t provide for us with my salary, where would that leave us?

This fear is exacerbated by the fact that I recently moved to a new position in my company – a new department, really – and it is not as “essential” as some others due the fact that it is new (and possibly expendable?).

If I get laid off one day, I wonder how I’ll fare in the jobs market? I REALLY do not want to be dumped back into that….but what if I have no choice?

Augh – just stressing over something I can’t do anything about. I am gaining a lot of skills right now and trying to learn as much as I can. It’s hard to think about the bleakness of tomorrow….especially in today’s climate.

FYI – trying to blog more now that I have the time. Jeff is also talking about me joining his friend, Angela’s, writing workshop. Not sure what I can contribute these days, but I’m trying to motivate myself to do it. 

NEVER READ THE COMMENTS

I never post anything political online because I’m afraid of getting sucked into arguments. I’ve seen a lot of my friends do this since the election and the comments some of them get are horrifying. 

•  One friend wrote a post advocating to delete the Uber app from their phone; the comments section of his post (135 and counting!) devolved into an argument over which media corporations are biased and what direction each of them lean.
• Another friend wrote a post about the contradiction of the #AllLivesMatter slogan and the Muslim ban, only to be called a C-U-Next-Tuesday.
• Another (closer) friend wrote a post about being pro-choice and ended up getting trolled by her own father-in-law. 

That last one really gets to me.

I don’t get this. I really I don’t. And I’m so afraid that the friends I have online (all of which I know and met in real life) will reveal themselves to be horrible Trump-defending conservatives who will turn their attentions on me.

Who has that kind of time?

Who has that kind of energy?

It seems that only bigots and angry, ANGRY internet trolls do….and they seem to be out in force right now.