Reaching ouuut...touching me, touching youuuu

So I've started going to therapy. 

It seems like such a privilege (ugh, hate using that word) to be able to see a therapist, but I'm glad I can afford it because I'm already starting to take some positive steps - in both my life and my relationship with Jeff (yes, we're still together! Two years, baby). 

One of those changes is this resolution that I made (with Jeff) about making sure we both stay connected to the people we care about closely. 

So I made a list of people who I've regretted losing touch with and am vowing now to make plans to connect with them every so often. 

The list is private, but if you hear from me (and Jeff), consider yourself on it and I hope that you don't already have other plans. 

P.S. Long time no blog, so I'm a little rusty. Sorry this wasn't a wittier post.....but at least it was grammatically correct! 

......right? 

RE: My Legacy

Forgive me if this entry sounds a little weird. My blogging skills are a little rusty…..!

My mom called me to tell me that my Grandmother passed away yesterday.

I’m glad she did because if I’d found from my brother’s post on his Facebook page, I probably would’ve been upset. That’s the kind of news you really deserve to get a phone call for (when it’s a family member, anyway).

And, aside from feeling the normal amounts of sad – she’d been in and out of hospitals for a while now; we all knew this was coming – I started thinking about all the deaths I’ve seen communicated through social media….

…..and all the humorous ways those deaths can be exploited.

Hey – everybody grieves differently.

It didn’t take long after my dad passed away when I was a teenager for me to start talking about it with a sense of humor, either. I didn’t feel bad about it then because I think he wouldn’t have minded. But I do feel a little guilty when it’s my Grandma. She was a nice woman who didn’t have the same dark sense of humor that I inherited from my dad, so I’m a little worried her ghost might find it ‘offensive’.

When I die, I’m going to stipulate in my will the following ways I deem acceptable for people to talk about me. They shall include, and are limited to, the following:

ACCEPTABLE:

• ·         Using my death for your dark humor (as long as I’m not the butt of the joke)
• ·         Exploiting my passing to take time off of work or school
• ·         Using my death as an excuse for your poor performance (similar to “El Nino” or “Thanks, Obama!”)
• ·         Announcing my death on my Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and Blog account pages.
• o   My passwords will be written into my will & bequeathed to my successors  & loved ones.

UNACCEPTABLE:

• ·         Announcing my death on anyone else’s Facebook, Twitter, etc.
• ·         Blaming me for someone else’s mistakes
• ·         Starting a kickstarter campaign or Memorial fund on my behalf (the only exception being if I don’t leave behind enough money for a proper burial or funeral).
• o   Don’t balk. It happens.

One of the reasons this is on my mind is I’ll have to fly back home to Hawaii for the funeral and my department is really under-staffed at the moment. I feel guilty taking time off now, but part of me is glad I can do it without fear of looking like “a slacker”.

So, in a way, my Grandma’s death is kind of a good thing!

Hey – like I said: we all grieve in our own ways.  

Anyway, here's to my Grandma. I'm glad I got one last 'selfie' with her in it before she passed on. 

HYPOTHETICAL SITUATION #45:

Suppose your boss came up to you at work one day & said that there is a position open with a higher salary, but more scrutiny and the position itself is not viewed favorably by upper management – and might possibly be dissolved in a few yea.

However, your boss also mentions tgat another position *might* be opening up later down the road.

That job, while probably not as prestigious, sounds more like a career path that you might be interested in pursuing. 

What would you do? 

• Apply for the confirmed position with higher pay?  
• Or stay at your current job & wait for the other position to possibly open up?  

You cannot apply for both.

This is what I had to think over the past couple of days. 

GAY MOVIE REVIEW: Stranger by the Lake

Jeff & I had a ‘date night’ this past weekend & opted for a movie. There was a really sexy-sounding one playing at the Laemmle in Pasadena, so we saw that one: 

Stranger by the Lake

PLOT: This French film takes place in the summer at a nude cruising spot for men, tucked away on the shores of a lake. Franck falls in love with Michel. But one evening, after wandering around a little too late, Franck spots Michel holding a ‘trick’ underwater, drowning him in the lake.  Despite this, Franck continues to see Michel.  Their relationship becomes strained when the trick’s body is found a few days later & the police start questioning them both about what they know.

REVIEW:  First of all, I think I should mention that there’s a lot of full-frontal male nudity in this movie; it’s set at a nude beach, after all. There’s also several (hot) sex scenes & all that, so it pretty much delivers in that area. Both Jeff & I thought it was done extremely well, but couldn’t figure out the ‘point’ of the movie until the next day. At first we assumed it was a ‘cautionary tale’ of the dangers of anonymous sex but that doesn’t hold a lot of water because Franck *does* know who Michel is and stays with him anyway. Later, Jeff told me that the way it ends (Franck, hiding from a murderous Michel, finally comes out of hiding & starts calling for him – FADE TO BLACK) tells him that “Franck is so afraid of loneliness that he would rather call out to ‘his killer’ than be alone” which coincides better with some of the other character’s storylines in the movie (there is a an older guy that Franck befriends who doesn’t swim or sleep around in the film; he just sits there watching everyone else, probably because he’s looking for a friend more than sex).

On the downside, the film also has no soundtrack, making it a bit boring. And the ending is a little abrupt, which left us wanting more of a resolution. But otherwise I found this an interesting, yet subtle, film to watch. 

Here’s the trailer!  

GAY MOVIE REVIEW - Beyond the Walls

Had a few hours to kill (over the past week), so I figured I would watch a movie.  This one had some sexy-looking actors looked interesting (and I remember seeing it on the Outfest line-up last year), so…..!

Beyond The Walls 

PLOT: The French film follows Paulo, a young pianist, who meets Ilir, a double-bass player originally from Albania. It's love at first sight. Paulo is soon confronted by his girlfriend, Anka, & finds himself out on the street. Paulo moves in with Ilir, despite his misgivings. One day, when Paulo promises that he will love Ilir for the rest of his life, Ilir leaves the city and doesn't return. A few days later, Paulo finds out that Ilir is in jail, and the two lovers embark on an heart-breaking relationship.

REVIEW:  Considering that the crux of the movie is how Paulo & Ilir react to their ‘long-distance’ relationship, the first hour of this movie seems almost unnecessary. But I’m guessing that the director included it to show fragile & co-dependent their relationship (or Paulo) is. In fact, the movie doesn’t really tell us a lot about Ilir; it focuses more on Paulo & how he handles the role-reversal of having to provide & protect Ilir (with money & other things he can use for trade) in prison. In the end, Paulo finds a new provider and runs into (a weaker, more needy) Ilir once more. But Ilir’s attempts to reconnect fall short & Paulo leaves him behind after he (Ilir) fails to get back what they once had.

The ending of Paulo & Ilir’s relationship makes Paulo seem rather cruel & almost a leech who sucked Ilir dry, leaving him when he couldn’t provide anymore. Anyway, here is the trailer: 

 

Pictures as promised!

So here are the pictures of our trip to Solvang, CA as promised (even if they are a little late)!  Jeff and I had an amazing time up there, so I highly recommend you check it out if you get the chance - especially if you love wine!  

We stayed at a little place called the Wine Valley Inn & Cottages - a beautiful little place that looks like it came right out of "Once Upon a Time."  

There was even a clock tower!  

 F&^%king beautiful, amIrite?  

While we were there, we went to several wine tastings and checked out a few of the local tourist traps attractions such as the Pony farm......  

Look!  It's where they make "Lil Sebastians"!  

 ....and the Ostrich farm!  

Mean lil S.O.B.s these Ostriches....! 

On the drive back, we stopped off to see Jeff's cousin, who goes to school at UCSB.  He showed us around the college campus & a couple of the sights like the Laguna Labyrinth!  

Here's some more pics of me:  

And this big dork right here.....!  

So it's come to this....!

It's beginning to look like I can no longer blog from the office because of how busy (& stressful) my work has become.....!  

So I'm writing this post on a Saturday to break one of my cardinal blogging rules:  I'm gong to tell you how frustrating and seemingly pointless I find my job.   

For some reason, the workload has just been pouring in, non-stop, for the past four months and shows no signs of slowing down.  I am up to my ears in work and am barely staying on top of things thanks to some late hours and continuous help from the rest of my department - especially my boss.  

It's getting to the point where I'm seriously considering quitting despite all the 'well-laid plans' the company has for me to succeed my boss when she retires.  I just don't know if I can take it for much longer.  I know I'm not the only one - everyone who works on my floor seems stressed and cranky all the time.  

To make things worse, I am not even sure if my job will be around for much longer.  My department has managed to avoid company lay-offs for a while, but I think our time might be coming soon.....so why the hell am I working so hard?  

Jeff's been amazingly supportive throughout all my 'coming-home-from-work' bad moods and 'bitchings about work' and thinks I'm due for a change.....

....but I dunno if I can bring myself to abandon everyone at work.  Everyone there is stretched thin enough as it is.  

Also - I haven't had to look for a new job in *years*; sheer luck landed me the one I have now and my job skills are pretty darn "specific"; database management for a system most people haven't heard of isn't exactly a hot commodity right now....!  

But it doesn't hurt to see what my options are. They say the best time to look for a job is while you still have one, so that's what I'm doing.  

In the meantime, Jeff & I are taking a quick vacation this three-day-weekend (MLK Jr, I could kiss you!) to a Bed & Breakfast up in Solvang (wherever that is) to celebrate our three-month anniversary.  (Telling you, I don't deserve that guy - xoxo)  I'll have to find time to write a post about it next week sometime.  

Now where did I leave my resume?